I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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