So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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