I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
