Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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