I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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