Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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