good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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