Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
