Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.