you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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