I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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