i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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