i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
