Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
