she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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