I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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