we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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