Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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