I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
