We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
