Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
