Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
