Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
