If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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