I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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