last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
