id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
