Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I smell like Dick and happiness
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
