I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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