Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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