it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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