By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
