Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
