then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
