i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
