You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
