Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
