I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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