i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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