dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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