There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
