didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
