so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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