A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
