Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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