I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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