Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
