I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
