I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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