my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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