You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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