we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
