No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
