She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just googled if crying burns calories
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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