Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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