party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would ride that face into the sunset
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
