You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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