We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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