I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
